Monday, January 12, 2009

epiphany while making bed

One day I was making my bed and realized why I am the way I am.

Let me explain. I am lazy. I think I can do a good enough job at things without having to put much effort into it. Like schoolwork - even in college I have been getting good grades and never felt super-stressed out or like I couldn't handle my load. I've never spent hours upon hours studying for a final, or felt like I couldn't have a life because of school. I put the minimum amount of effort in to produce the result I want.

I think the reason I am this way is because my entire life, no matter what grades I got in school, I was always told "Good job." You got a 'B'? Great. An 'A'? Wonderful. 'C+'? Do better next time, but still ok.

I think I can do things without putting a big effort into it. Maybe this is why I don't finish things that are optional and hard. Like crafty projects or something.

I don't set goals because usually I will give up and not reach them. Like dieting or excercizing. Meh. I think it's great if I lose a pound, but if I do it's not because I put an effort into it.

I don't get up at the time I say I will. I don't leave the house the time I say I will. I am consistantly waking up late and am late for appointments, church, class, work. I am not much of a follower-through.

And it's got to the point where it's ruining and running my life! (So dramatic!) But today I missed exactly half of my class because I was late. I am ALWAYS late for work - 5, 10, 15 minutes (Even if I plan to get there 15 minutes early). And last week I had to cancel an appointment because I was going to be late for it.

It's time I do something about my lazy lateness. Re-learn how to tell time? Leave 10 minutes earlier than I think I need to? Get up earlier?

I really need to figure something out, I'm getting sick of myself.

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