Saturday, January 3, 2009

musings on school and jobs and life

This semester all I need is 5 more credit hours and math - then I'll have my Associates Degree! Yay! Finally, all these generals are going to be worth something!

So this Spring I'm taking Math, which I really don't mind as long as I have a decent teacher, and I'm taking a few art classes. They're just general classes, one's more for fun for me (hopefully), and the other is supposed to teach about how we perceive things and introduce me to the art programs and faculty at Weber. Soooo, we'll see how the art thing goes. This is the first time I've been excited about starting a new semester. I got all my books and art supplies today - I really hope taking these classes will help me know if this is the route I want to go, or if art is just something I should enjoy on the sidelines of a "real career."

I just don't want to look back on my life and think "I really would have loved to do that. I should have at least tried it." Which means I don't just want to jump onto one path and go down it blindly just because it's what I decided to do. I want to start a path so I have some direction, but not be afraid to change my course.

The things I like seem to be opposites of each other -art and health professions. I love art, but don't think I'm much good at it. I always pressure myself so the end result is 'perfect' instead of enjoying the process. I love art because I love to create. I love the endless possibilities that are present. A blank sheet of paper can be transformed into something more than it originally was.

But what kind of job could I have being an artist? I have this lovely image of, down the road, having my own little studio in a room in my house, working on paintings or projects and being able to be flexible with that; being able to work whatever hours I want and be a kind of a stay at home mom. But that's not a 'real job.'

On the other hand, I am absolutely in love with learning about the human body. Our bodies are such a masterpieces, how could I not be fascinated with all its inner workings? I think doing 'medical stuff' is something I could be good at. This may be a poor indicator, but I took an anatomy and physiology class in high school and was naturally good at it. The other girls in my group who both wanted to be CNA's studied more than I did, yet didn't do as well with remembering the info and taking tests. But tests aren't usually hard for me, maybe the class was an easy class, and I just *think* I was good at that stuff? I feel like with the medical field you have to choose something and REALLY go for it before being able to figure out if "hey, this is not what I had in mind!"

A downside of healthcare services pour moi? I don't want to work with people. That is, I feel like the dentist in Ghost Town - he likes what he does, BUT he doesn't have to worry about making small talk or chit chatting because the patient can't talk when they have someones hand in their mouth.

I like people, but not "customers." I'm more comfortable with a familiar, small group of people (such as co-workers) than I am with a bunch of people I hardly know (such as clients). So, for a while I was thinking of being a surgical technician because that's medical, but not doctor, and the people you work with are co-workers and people who are unconscious. It seems like it might be perfect, but they don't offer classes at Weber State.

I was thinking Stevens-Henegar because they're certified and have a relatively quick program for surge tech, but had a feeling about it I can only describe as "grungy." I don't know why, maybe it was the building. I felt like they had their best interests in mind instead of mine. I went in for a simple "I want to learn more about your school" and ended up taking a test, signing up for another test, and making another appointment for getting financing set up to start the next batch of classes, which started about a week later! I *hate* feeling on-the-spot and like I need to start everything ASAP - I get confused and make dumb choices. I ended up cancelling the appointments and decided to wait so I could think about it more. I felt so silly because they had me take a simple test and I got a high score on it, and they all sang my praises - "you are SO smart!", "you'll have no trouble at all on the next test!", "you are WAY above average", "you got WHAT on your test?! Oh wow!" I got cocky about it! "I am naturally smart" I thought! I called a friend who had also gone to S-H the week earlier - and she told me the same thing happened to her! She said they all made her feel soooo smart on that dumb little test - "what does this proverb mean?"

Anyway, I'm still thinking about surge tech, but would have to do it at the ATC - which confuses me, too. And scares me. I feel like I can't get my feet wet without jumping in the water head-first.

I really just don't want to start something and stick with it only to wonder "Would I have liked being *this* more?" Or "would *that* have worked out better for me?"

Okay, this is my longest, probably boringest post EVER, and I need to go to bed! I have my first class tomorrow - Saturdays at 8:00 for 4 hours.

I am not a morning person - I hope this works out.


Brein said...

Hey baby...
"life's a journey not a destination"
Don't get caught up on making the wrong choice! Enjoy all the choices you make because every choice is the right choice at the time and you learn so much from it. You'll do great at what ever you chose to do! Sometime I still wish I would have gone into medicine, but I'm happy for where I'm at because it's perfect for me and my family. :D You are SMART and no matter what I know you'll enjoy the journey.

Luckedout said...

I think I've told you this, but you can't be in health care without having to meet with people. Even a surgical technician. Maybe not patients, but in a hospital setting you'll be working with a couple dozen surgeons and about twice that in nurses. Health care is all about people. Of course you don't have to be a people person, but you can't avoid people.

In my opinion your negatives about health care are much bigger than your negatives about art. Li's grandfather and uncle have both had pretty successful careers as artists. They're not millionaires, but they have been able to support large families doing it. They both have little art studios in their homes.

To me it sounds like art is your better choice from what you wrote. But that's just my opinion. "Do what you love and you will never work a day in your life"