One day I was making my bed and realized why I am the way I am.
Let me explain. I am lazy. I think I can do a good enough job at things without having to put much effort into it. Like schoolwork - even in college I have been getting good grades and never felt super-stressed out or like I couldn't handle my load. I've never spent hours upon hours studying for a final, or felt like I couldn't have a life because of school. I put the minimum amount of effort in to produce the result I want.
I think the reason I am this way is because my entire life, no matter what grades I got in school, I was always told "Good job." You got a 'B'? Great. An 'A'? Wonderful. 'C+'? Do better next time, but still ok.
I think I can do things without putting a big effort into it. Maybe this is why I don't finish things that are optional and hard. Like crafty projects or something.
I don't set goals because usually I will give up and not reach them. Like dieting or excercizing. Meh. I think it's great if I lose a pound, but if I do it's not because I put an effort into it.
I don't get up at the time I say I will. I don't leave the house the time I say I will. I am consistantly waking up late and am late for appointments, church, class, work. I am not much of a follower-through.
And it's got to the point where it's ruining and running my life! (So dramatic!) But today I missed exactly half of my class because I was late. I am ALWAYS late for work - 5, 10, 15 minutes (Even if I plan to get there 15 minutes early). And last week I had to cancel an appointment because I was going to be late for it.
It's time I do something about my lazy lateness. Re-learn how to tell time? Leave 10 minutes earlier than I think I need to? Get up earlier?
I really need to figure something out, I'm getting sick of myself.
Monday, January 12, 2009
sneaking out
On New Years Day Kristofor and I ran away to.....
Anniversary Inn! In early December we had been wanting to go there to relax and celebrate getting done with the Fall semester but decided it was too expensive.
But after 3 days of having our 13 year old Nintendo-crazy nephew over, giving him free reign of our TV and cupboards, taking him out to eat, bowling, etc. etc. and getting no "thank you" the entire time (this is also after all holiday stress and craziness)- we decided "JK" on the whole "the Inn is too expensive" thing and booked a room! This is the room we first stayed in on our Honeymoon (don't think about it too much) and we love it. We stayed in the jacuzzi for 4 - yes - 4 hours! It was heaven! We watched a few movies, drank our fake champagne, ate cheesecake and oranges in bed, slept in . . . it was definitely worth it!
Now here are some pictures from the trip up.
I love the sign in this picture, and also notice the Peak in the upper left corner. My cousin Sarah and I used to think this was the cliff Pocahontas jumped off in the movie - it looks just like it!
Anniversary Inn! In early December we had been wanting to go there to relax and celebrate getting done with the Fall semester but decided it was too expensive. But after 3 days of having our 13 year old Nintendo-crazy nephew over, giving him free reign of our TV and cupboards, taking him out to eat, bowling, etc. etc. and getting no "thank you" the entire time (this is also after all holiday stress and craziness)- we decided "JK" on the whole "the Inn is too expensive" thing and booked a room! This is the room we first stayed in on our Honeymoon (don't think about it too much) and we love it. We stayed in the jacuzzi for 4 - yes - 4 hours! It was heaven! We watched a few movies, drank our fake champagne, ate cheesecake and oranges in bed, slept in . . . it was definitely worth it!Now here are some pictures from the trip up.
I love the sign in this picture, and also notice the Peak in the upper left corner. My cousin Sarah and I used to think this was the cliff Pocahontas jumped off in the movie - it looks just like it!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
musings on school and jobs and life
This semester all I need is 5 more credit hours and math - then I'll have my Associates Degree! Yay! Finally, all these generals are going to be worth something!
So this Spring I'm taking Math, which I really don't mind as long as I have a decent teacher, and I'm taking a few art classes. They're just general classes, one's more for fun for me (hopefully), and the other is supposed to teach about how we perceive things and introduce me to the art programs and faculty at Weber. Soooo, we'll see how the art thing goes. This is the first time I've been excited about starting a new semester. I got all my books and art supplies today - I really hope taking these classes will help me know if this is the route I want to go, or if art is just something I should enjoy on the sidelines of a "real career."
I just don't want to look back on my life and think "I really would have loved to do that. I should have at least tried it." Which means I don't just want to jump onto one path and go down it blindly just because it's what I decided to do. I want to start a path so I have some direction, but not be afraid to change my course.
The things I like seem to be opposites of each other -art and health professions. I love art, but don't think I'm much good at it. I always pressure myself so the end result is 'perfect' instead of enjoying the process. I love art because I love to create. I love the endless possibilities that are present. A blank sheet of paper can be transformed into something more than it originally was.
But what kind of job could I have being an artist? I have this lovely image of, down the road, having my own little studio in a room in my house, working on paintings or projects and being able to be flexible with that; being able to work whatever hours I want and be a kind of a stay at home mom. But that's not a 'real job.'
On the other hand, I am absolutely in love with learning about the human body. Our bodies are such a masterpieces, how could I not be fascinated with all its inner workings? I think doing 'medical stuff' is something I could be good at. This may be a poor indicator, but I took an anatomy and physiology class in high school and was naturally good at it. The other girls in my group who both wanted to be CNA's studied more than I did, yet didn't do as well with remembering the info and taking tests. But tests aren't usually hard for me, maybe the class was an easy class, and I just *think* I was good at that stuff? I feel like with the medical field you have to choose something and REALLY go for it before being able to figure out if "hey, this is not what I had in mind!"
A downside of healthcare services pour moi? I don't want to work with people. That is, I feel like the dentist in Ghost Town - he likes what he does, BUT he doesn't have to worry about making small talk or chit chatting because the patient can't talk when they have someones hand in their mouth.
I like people, but not "customers." I'm more comfortable with a familiar, small group of people (such as co-workers) than I am with a bunch of people I hardly know (such as clients). So, for a while I was thinking of being a surgical technician because that's medical, but not doctor, and the people you work with are co-workers and people who are unconscious. It seems like it might be perfect, but they don't offer classes at Weber State.
I was thinking Stevens-Henegar because they're certified and have a relatively quick program for surge tech, but had a feeling about it I can only describe as "grungy." I don't know why, maybe it was the building. I felt like they had their best interests in mind instead of mine. I went in for a simple "I want to learn more about your school" and ended up taking a test, signing up for another test, and making another appointment for getting financing set up to start the next batch of classes, which started about a week later! I *hate* feeling on-the-spot and like I need to start everything ASAP - I get confused and make dumb choices. I ended up cancelling the appointments and decided to wait so I could think about it more. I felt so silly because they had me take a simple test and I got a high score on it, and they all sang my praises - "you are SO smart!", "you'll have no trouble at all on the next test!", "you are WAY above average", "you got WHAT on your test?! Oh wow!" I got cocky about it! "I am naturally smart" I thought! I called a friend who had also gone to S-H the week earlier - and she told me the same thing happened to her! She said they all made her feel soooo smart on that dumb little test - "what does this proverb mean?"
Anyway, I'm still thinking about surge tech, but would have to do it at the ATC - which confuses me, too. And scares me. I feel like I can't get my feet wet without jumping in the water head-first.
I really just don't want to start something and stick with it only to wonder "Would I have liked being *this* more?" Or "would *that* have worked out better for me?"
Okay, this is my longest, probably boringest post EVER, and I need to go to bed! I have my first class tomorrow - Saturdays at 8:00 for 4 hours.
I am not a morning person - I hope this works out.
So this Spring I'm taking Math, which I really don't mind as long as I have a decent teacher, and I'm taking a few art classes. They're just general classes, one's more for fun for me (hopefully), and the other is supposed to teach about how we perceive things and introduce me to the art programs and faculty at Weber. Soooo, we'll see how the art thing goes. This is the first time I've been excited about starting a new semester. I got all my books and art supplies today - I really hope taking these classes will help me know if this is the route I want to go, or if art is just something I should enjoy on the sidelines of a "real career."
I just don't want to look back on my life and think "I really would have loved to do that. I should have at least tried it." Which means I don't just want to jump onto one path and go down it blindly just because it's what I decided to do. I want to start a path so I have some direction, but not be afraid to change my course.
The things I like seem to be opposites of each other -art and health professions. I love art, but don't think I'm much good at it. I always pressure myself so the end result is 'perfect' instead of enjoying the process. I love art because I love to create. I love the endless possibilities that are present. A blank sheet of paper can be transformed into something more than it originally was.
But what kind of job could I have being an artist? I have this lovely image of, down the road, having my own little studio in a room in my house, working on paintings or projects and being able to be flexible with that; being able to work whatever hours I want and be a kind of a stay at home mom. But that's not a 'real job.'
On the other hand, I am absolutely in love with learning about the human body. Our bodies are such a masterpieces, how could I not be fascinated with all its inner workings? I think doing 'medical stuff' is something I could be good at. This may be a poor indicator, but I took an anatomy and physiology class in high school and was naturally good at it. The other girls in my group who both wanted to be CNA's studied more than I did, yet didn't do as well with remembering the info and taking tests. But tests aren't usually hard for me, maybe the class was an easy class, and I just *think* I was good at that stuff? I feel like with the medical field you have to choose something and REALLY go for it before being able to figure out if "hey, this is not what I had in mind!"
A downside of healthcare services pour moi? I don't want to work with people. That is, I feel like the dentist in Ghost Town - he likes what he does, BUT he doesn't have to worry about making small talk or chit chatting because the patient can't talk when they have someones hand in their mouth.
I like people, but not "customers." I'm more comfortable with a familiar, small group of people (such as co-workers) than I am with a bunch of people I hardly know (such as clients). So, for a while I was thinking of being a surgical technician because that's medical, but not doctor, and the people you work with are co-workers and people who are unconscious. It seems like it might be perfect, but they don't offer classes at Weber State.
I was thinking Stevens-Henegar because they're certified and have a relatively quick program for surge tech, but had a feeling about it I can only describe as "grungy." I don't know why, maybe it was the building. I felt like they had their best interests in mind instead of mine. I went in for a simple "I want to learn more about your school" and ended up taking a test, signing up for another test, and making another appointment for getting financing set up to start the next batch of classes, which started about a week later! I *hate* feeling on-the-spot and like I need to start everything ASAP - I get confused and make dumb choices. I ended up cancelling the appointments and decided to wait so I could think about it more. I felt so silly because they had me take a simple test and I got a high score on it, and they all sang my praises - "you are SO smart!", "you'll have no trouble at all on the next test!", "you are WAY above average", "you got WHAT on your test?! Oh wow!" I got cocky about it! "I am naturally smart" I thought! I called a friend who had also gone to S-H the week earlier - and she told me the same thing happened to her! She said they all made her feel soooo smart on that dumb little test - "what does this proverb mean?"
Anyway, I'm still thinking about surge tech, but would have to do it at the ATC - which confuses me, too. And scares me. I feel like I can't get my feet wet without jumping in the water head-first.
I really just don't want to start something and stick with it only to wonder "Would I have liked being *this* more?" Or "would *that* have worked out better for me?"
Okay, this is my longest, probably boringest post EVER, and I need to go to bed! I have my first class tomorrow - Saturdays at 8:00 for 4 hours.
I am not a morning person - I hope this works out.
work and Santa
Work has been slow lately, filled with lots of "busy work" (hole punching papers, alphabetizing folders, stuffing envelopes, etc.). It's exactly this type of work that I hate - because it makes me lazy, my mind wanders and I don't focus. We've been gearing up for our busiest time of year, trying to get everything ready in advance so we dont have to worry about it during tax season. I'm glad I know what to expect this year with tax season, but worried because I'll have to work more hours this year - full time work and almost full time school. . .
I am such a big whimp!!
Anyway. The holiday season was lovely, the best part of course was the holiday parties. At the Jensen party I sat on Santa's lap - he groped and grilled me! J/K about the groping part, but it was a tad uncomfortable with his hand on my hip. But seriously, he asked what I wanted and I said "maybe a camera." Santa: "Well, what kind of camera?" Me:"I don't really know, just a camera." Santa: "What, a Nikon 1723987?" Me: "Sure, if that's a good kind??" Then he asked me what else I wanted - Uhh... Umm.... ?????? Whew, sitting on Santa's lap sure freezes your mind! I knew exactly how Ralphy felt in "A Christmas Story." I just wanted to tell Santa I wanted a football and run away!
Here's the evidence.
I am such a big whimp!!
Anyway. The holiday season was lovely, the best part of course was the holiday parties. At the Jensen party I sat on Santa's lap - he groped and grilled me! J/K about the groping part, but it was a tad uncomfortable with his hand on my hip. But seriously, he asked what I wanted and I said "maybe a camera." Santa: "Well, what kind of camera?" Me:"I don't really know, just a camera." Santa: "What, a Nikon 1723987?" Me: "Sure, if that's a good kind??" Then he asked me what else I wanted - Uhh... Umm.... ?????? Whew, sitting on Santa's lap sure freezes your mind! I knew exactly how Ralphy felt in "A Christmas Story." I just wanted to tell Santa I wanted a football and run away!
Here's the evidence.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
oldies
We found this sad lad on our little walk. Pour boy dropped his ice cream - but we're not too nice to laugh at him. HA!
And try to profit from his loss, if y'know what I mean. *nudge nudge*A long while back my friend Chelsy came up to visit me from Provo (she is nice like that). I picked her up at the train station and we walked up and down 25th street (my favorite street in the world) and ate at La Ferovia - it was scrumdiddlyumptious! Then we went to my parents' house and visited and then she came a toured my apartment and then it was over! Chelsy's going on a mission in January so this was our last hang-out before she left.
It was really nice to be able to just chat and hang out. I've been friends with Chelsy since I was 14 and I'm so glad we're still friends even though we have our own lives and live far away from each other. Sometimes certain friends are only your friends for a while - when you part ways and then try to get back in touch, it's just not the same. With Chelsy, it's *almost* like I never moved away. Which is nice.
I like.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
I was tagged and other news
First the news. My crabs are dying and dead. The other day I looked in the cage and Waldo was upside down and my first thought was: "DEAD!"
I was right. Kristofor checked - Waldo started to fall of out his shell and stank - yuck! So I buried him in a box in a garbage can and wrote: "RIP Waldo. Here lies Waldo, a shy and crippled crab."
Then this morning Kristofor looked in the cage ParkNamJoo had her legs out of her shell. He touched her and she didn't move (very unusual). Same thing - dead. She wasn't tight in her shell and she stank. We put her in another box but I haven't "buried" her yet (aka put her in the garbage).
This is the first time that I have had a pet die (Ok, Babe the guinea pig did not count because she disappeared!). It's weird! I feel like a bad mom. :( But I think they were just too cold - our kitchen is freezing at night.
Kenshin is still alive but weak. He moves so slow and is kind of shaky. =( I want him to live! Maybe they have a crab disease, or else why would that all be dying at the exact same time?
Kenshin *might* be going to rehab at Brein's house, and hopefully make a full recovery. We'll see.
ANYWAY!
I got tagged by Madison, so here goes.
The Rules:
*Mention the rules on your blog.
*Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.
*Tag 6 fellow bloggers
#1
Showering. I get grossed out by the shower when I'm showering. I can't let my towel touch the walls, I don't like my body to touch the walls, I rinse more than I need to, and if I take any steps after I turn the water off I feel like my feet are getting dirty. Sometimes I'll turn the water off with my right hand, then use my left hand to squeeze extra water out of my hair onto my right hand to rinse it off.
#2
You know how people "beat-box" or whatever it's called? I do something like that except inside my mouth. Like if I have a song in my head I'll make a beat to it by sliding my teeth against each other and swishing my spit around (it sounds gross, I know. But it's not like I have a lot of spit in there). I have done this as long as I can remember.
#3
I love surprises. It doesn't even matter what it is. Kristofor is so good at getting me excited for things, and so secretive, I can get really pumped up for something even if it turns out to be jsut a treat or something. Like last Christmas was one of the most exciting Christmases just because I had NO idea what my presents were going to be and Tofor would tease me by telling me just a little bit about what he had got for me but now enough for me to know. You know?
#4
I like to think that taking vitamin and mineral supplements isn't good for you because you should get all that stuff from eating good, natural foods. But the thing is, I don't eat good food and I don't get the nutrients I need. For a long time I wouldn't buy supplements because I'd rather get them through my food -well, I finally broke down and bought some. And I love taking them!
#5
I love doodling. I love drawing pictures during work, class or church. If I see something that can be colored, I color it. If there is a coloring book out at my in-laws house that's been left out, I'll color in it. I love playing with chalk. BUT, whenever I sit down to do an art project, my mind likes to go blank and I don't get any ideas.
#6
I get bummed out about games. Like board games. I should be banned from Settlers of Zarahemla because I ALWAYS lose and get pissed off at everyone. I take things personally and sulk the whole time! This is the only game I get like that in! But if I'm playing a game with someone and they get tired of playing before I do, it makes me sad.
I'm gonna tag:
Whoever wants to do this.
I was right. Kristofor checked - Waldo started to fall of out his shell and stank - yuck! So I buried him in a box in a garbage can and wrote: "RIP Waldo. Here lies Waldo, a shy and crippled crab."
Then this morning Kristofor looked in the cage ParkNamJoo had her legs out of her shell. He touched her and she didn't move (very unusual). Same thing - dead. She wasn't tight in her shell and she stank. We put her in another box but I haven't "buried" her yet (aka put her in the garbage).
This is the first time that I have had a pet die (Ok, Babe the guinea pig did not count because she disappeared!). It's weird! I feel like a bad mom. :( But I think they were just too cold - our kitchen is freezing at night.
Kenshin is still alive but weak. He moves so slow and is kind of shaky. =( I want him to live! Maybe they have a crab disease, or else why would that all be dying at the exact same time?
Kenshin *might* be going to rehab at Brein's house, and hopefully make a full recovery. We'll see.
ANYWAY!
I got tagged by Madison, so here goes.
The Rules:
*Mention the rules on your blog.
*Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.
*Tag 6 fellow bloggers
#1
Showering. I get grossed out by the shower when I'm showering. I can't let my towel touch the walls, I don't like my body to touch the walls, I rinse more than I need to, and if I take any steps after I turn the water off I feel like my feet are getting dirty. Sometimes I'll turn the water off with my right hand, then use my left hand to squeeze extra water out of my hair onto my right hand to rinse it off.
#2
You know how people "beat-box" or whatever it's called? I do something like that except inside my mouth. Like if I have a song in my head I'll make a beat to it by sliding my teeth against each other and swishing my spit around (it sounds gross, I know. But it's not like I have a lot of spit in there). I have done this as long as I can remember.
#3
I love surprises. It doesn't even matter what it is. Kristofor is so good at getting me excited for things, and so secretive, I can get really pumped up for something even if it turns out to be jsut a treat or something. Like last Christmas was one of the most exciting Christmases just because I had NO idea what my presents were going to be and Tofor would tease me by telling me just a little bit about what he had got for me but now enough for me to know. You know?
#4
I like to think that taking vitamin and mineral supplements isn't good for you because you should get all that stuff from eating good, natural foods. But the thing is, I don't eat good food and I don't get the nutrients I need. For a long time I wouldn't buy supplements because I'd rather get them through my food -well, I finally broke down and bought some. And I love taking them!
#5
I love doodling. I love drawing pictures during work, class or church. If I see something that can be colored, I color it. If there is a coloring book out at my in-laws house that's been left out, I'll color in it. I love playing with chalk. BUT, whenever I sit down to do an art project, my mind likes to go blank and I don't get any ideas.
#6
I get bummed out about games. Like board games. I should be banned from Settlers of Zarahemla because I ALWAYS lose and get pissed off at everyone. I take things personally and sulk the whole time! This is the only game I get like that in! But if I'm playing a game with someone and they get tired of playing before I do, it makes me sad.
I'm gonna tag:
Whoever wants to do this.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
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